thanksgiving

A little Thanksgiving...missing a few choice family members this year. But, (**sigh ** ) such is life once peeps start getting married. Please note that with Kasey's addition to our family, I now realize how much of a munchkin I am. DANGIT.
These next few were the ladies on Thanksgiving day with our lovely aprons. Woot.

I really do have so much to be thankful for this year...being alive is one of the top ones. Ha.

I am thankful for my sweet family who I love dearly despite all our issues.
I am grateful for sweet friends from all over the world.
I am thankful for Nita and how she cares for me like I'm one of hers still.
I am thankful for my sister who is always on my side.
I'm thankful for my sister-in-laws who were my friends first.
I'm thankful for my Mom who is one of my best friends.
I'm thankful for my Dad who thinks I'm weird and loves me just the same.
I'm thankful for a Friend who loves at all times.

From Friend to Me

So, because Friend knows me inside/outside/over/under in a way that mostly borderlines the "abnormal or supernatural" side of things, she is the BEST at giving gifts. Previously, they've been cutesy/artsey things that Martha Stewart's prison dreams could never match, but this year she's used her 'seeing eye' into my heart and got me a year's subscription to Cooking Light!!

Woot! Maybe she knew because I drool over the copies she has at her house, but nevertheless, I ... LOVE...IT. I just got my first installment a few weeks ago, and the pages are earmarked like crazy and it already has a place of honor next to my bed (just a reach away from the bib-al of course). I have already committed to allowing the stack to continue to climb as the issues keep coming. Hoarding though it may seem, good recipes at the ready is no laughing matter.

Thanks, Friend, for doing what you do best: Being so you ...and so me at the same friggin time.
My tummy thanks you.

for a friend...

I have been meeting with a friend to pray and walk through some intensely painful memories. And as we've been experiencing these things again, it takes something all together supernatural to wait patiently that the Lord will bring healing and truth to situations full of hurt and lies. As a general rule, I do not understand how our Father works, but I know that He is faithful. So, sweet friend, these lyrics are for you:

To the one with the wounded heart
The years fighting have left you scarred
Wait the light will come
To the one with the distant eyes
All this crying has left you dry
Wait the light will come
Wait the light will come
Lift your eyes
The sun has overcome the night
Come alive
As we shine in loves true light

Here is laughter beyond the tears
Here is courage to face your fears
Look the light has come
So rise you daughters and stand you sons
Claim the victory that Jesus won
Look the Light has come
Look the Light has come




"Let us hold fast to our confession with unwavering hope that He who promised is faithful."
Hebrews 10:23

i

i am: weird with a side of normal.

i fear: microwaves.
i hate: bad grammar.
i love: my family.

i dream: most nights.
i ache: still when I think about Josh.

i wish: I had any sort of a sense of direction.

i want: a nice camera. (Or something more profound... like "world peace"?)

i smell: things before I eat them.
i hear: the harmony over the melody.
i crave: chocolate chip cookies.....nearly at all times.
i desire: to make Him proud.
i can't: cook like my mom. It's so annoying.
i dance: at weddings.
i sing: for my King.

i listen: to music as much as humanly possible.
i need: laughter.
i lose: my friggin keys.
i think: too much.
i feel: like my current job makes me want to gouge out my own eyeballs it's so dull.
i watch: my little sister. She's trouble, I tell you.
i miss: my brothers.

i write: sarcastically.

i can usually be found: thinking too much.

i believe: He has called me lily.
i never: talk in the morning if i can help it.
i care: for the little ones.
i wonder: what the h I'm doing with my life.
i regret: eating Candy Corn. It ALWAYS makes me sick.

i am scared: of heights.
i like: my bed, "la marshamellow"
i know: that He is good.

apologetic art

There comes a time in everyone's life for apologies. Whether the person is someone you struggle with getting along with/they are nearby, the need for the art of apology seems staggering. In light of the fact that "those times" come very often in my life as I have a blind, stubborn need to be in a position to apologize, I've decided to share with the world wide web some things I've learned in the apology minefield.

1. When you know you need to give an apology:
a. Straight after a word/action, you feel that horrible thing in your gut that isn't indigestion, but more the realization of your own depravity has suddenly balled itself up and settled in the base of your stomach. It is seemingly unmovable at this point.

b. The look on the person's face who you've offended, causes your inward being to shrink to the size of q-tip and you find yourself looking for holes in the ground in which to plunge your head/face/neck.

c. The words that come flinging/flailing out of your mouth are strung together not out of reason or rationale, but more out of furious, half-insane emotion tangled up with rageful, unapologetic idiocy.

2. When to not apologize:

a. When the person to whom you owe the apology is still foaming-at-the-mouth angry.
b. When you you look good and they don't.
c. When you're not really sorry. (Duh).

3. How to apologize via some media:
a. Phone/voicemail:
i. Don't ramble. Or do ramble. Either way to get your point clearly stated -- or just stated at all.
ii. Introduce yourself as the offended person may have erased your phone number already and doesn't know who's calling (....or is that just my own nasty habit?)
iii. Feel free to make jokes. My personal favorite is a "Knock, Knock" -- ever-classy and always lightens the mood.

b. E-mail:
i. This is your chance to be eloquent and thoughtful even if you are not eloquent and thoughtful. So be precise in your words. Say exactly what you mean to say, because you have time to think, edit, rewrite, start over....

c. Some chat medium
i. Stay. Away. Things are 99 % likely to be misunderstood. Sincerity is suddenly sarcasm, and hurt is lost in the sea of ambiguous Smileys.


4. My favorite choice words to use during actual apology:
a. "I'm an idiot."
b. "I think too much and/or not enough."
c. "You were nearby?"
d. "I was WRONG." (*Key phrase)

5. Things to avoid:
a. Telling the person they are an idiot.
b. Pointing out their need to apologize.
c. Looking better than the other person while apologizing.
d. Being an idiot in the apology as well as the offense.

light

So I've been praying and seeking about direction, and believing for breakthrough in a lot of different areas. And as I've been praying, I've toed a crazy line between days of faith and days of despair. Yesterday, as I was randomly reading this girl's "About Me" section on Facebook, I came face-to-face with a reality of my belief about God. This is part of what she said:

"First things first.....God is so good. There have been quite a few life changing/ life giving transitions lately. About 2 1/2 weeks ago I married my best friend and couldn't be happier! I love being married and highly recommend it.... Everyday we are reminded of the promises God has made for us and are so excited to continually see them fulfilled." (haha..AEH, recognize it?)

Basically, this girl married the love of her life, they are starting a ministry from the ground up, they love their church and are doing well financially. I don't want to be a kill-joy...but of course it's beautiful to see the promises of God when they result in a happy marriage and perfect jobs and everything is sunshine and roses. But I remember when right after Josh died, my friend Donna told me that sometimes "You have to KNOW that you KNOW that you KNOW that God is still good." In her own loss, Donna understood that God's promises and faithfulness does not always show itself in daisies and roses. Sometimes you just have to cling to a truth because it is Truth. And I think for a while, I just hung on to the principle that there are rough spots, but in general God's promises for beauty for ashes remained if you are faithful.

But this is what I had to ask myself after reading this girl's profile: If God never answered, if I never see breakthrough, if it is not beautiful and peaceful at the end of my day, would I still declare His goodness and faithfulness?

Oh man.

In general, I am not brave. I used to think I was. Or at least, I thought I did brave things, you know, travel the world, jump off bridges/cliffs, be sassy. But I'm not. I think I'd rather take the easy road than the high one. I'd rather pretend or ignore than be honest. I'd rather not try than to fail.

I think my bravery was circumstantial, kinda like how I viewed "God's faithfulness." As in, months from now, I don't want to write all over my blog about how "faithful God is and how his promises remain" WHEN I FIND THE JOB, or when I begin to walk in my purpose, because that's what I was believing for. I choose to believe that even if it doesn't come -- his faithfulness is still a piercing beauty that has won my heart. I want to walk with my God in all the faith I have because I KNOW that my God is good.

I still believe His heart is for me, that He is more faithful than the morning. But I want Him to know that if I believe my whole life for breakthrough or for help, and it doesn't come, I have sealed it on my heart that His faithfulness remains even when I can't see it. I know that He holds all things and He still holds me.


You are God alone,
from before time began,
You are on Your throne. You are God alone.
Right now, in the good times and bad,
You are on your throne. You are God alone.
You're unchangeable, unshakeable, that's what you are.
Because you are God alone.

owie

So I did it (finally). After years of being a 'jogger' I finally ran a race: a half marathon. My goal was to run the entire way and finish the race and I did. (It matters little that at about mile 10, it was no longer a pretty sight, and let it be known that I finished just in front of a white-haired woman probably in her sixties). At any rate, thank you Jesus for legs that run. Thank you that this sickness did not end in death, and here I am, nearly six months to the day later, running a half marathon.


Annndd, let it be known that about mile 12.4, I see Laura (mom) on the other side of the street, yelling, "Use the force, Jennie! Use the force!!" She then proceeds to run across the street and run behind me the rest of the way. haha...oh Laura. I've also decided that the people who came out, brought chairs and signs just to cheer are maybe some of my favorite people. I'm going to do that sometime. It was the sweetest display of selfless encouragement. (Thanks, Mom.)

However, I am sore and think people that run full marathons are nut jobs.