Tuesday, December 30, 2008

desert song

This is my prayer in the desert,
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need,
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire,
In weakness or trial or pain.
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way.
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Monday, December 15, 2008

in other words....

This is about how I'm feeling at this point:
Or, narrated:
D(#$*#(::asdf#(#*$#!)!!)!)!) ieiei#(*$#
KDJKDkdkdjfkdja; dfD(#(!@!)!!!)_@?@@

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

micah 6:8

So, I've been waiting to hear back from a job I interviewed for in Dallas last week. It came out of no where, and really sounds amazing, but still the 8 billion different things that are in my heart seem to conflict one way or another, and I don't even know what I'd say if I were offered the job. But as I wait to hear from them, I have just set my heart before the Lord and asked Him to direct me. I was supposed to hear back from them today (still waiting), and as I opened my Daily Light, what little 'ole verse popped up once again??
It started first with "To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice" (Prov 21:3). Hmm, I thought, That sounds eerily familiar to what He's been speaking over and over again through this in-between time.
Then, continuing, "He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8).

Ha. I still have NO idea what the Lord is really saying through this, whether it means this period of my life is just meant to be a small life, working to pay of debt, nothing too flashy, or whether it means that I will be heading off on some weird YWAM adventure sometime soon, I can't deny that He has been bringing this up repeatedly to my attention.

So, Lord, as I wait, I just ask that I would walk and demonstrate righteousness and justice in humility as I walk with You.

Monday, December 1, 2008


My love for you is real.
It moves like a summer breeze.
My love for you is strong.
Lord it brings me to my knees.

It’s born in the wild
It's river long,
Love strong,
True and wild as hell.
Honey now,
My love for you is real.

My love for you is calm.
Candy sweet and thunder strength.
My love for you is wild,
It breaks the locks and breaks the chains.

My love for you is long
Across the oceans on a sail.
My love for you is true,
Meanings change but not the tune.

It’s born in the wild
It's river long
Love strong
True and never still.
Honey now
My love for you is real

I love this song. I think it has so much truth in it, for His love for me. So crazy how real it is sometimes. I love that it feels wild and free when so many times we think it's controlled and measured.

I was thinking about a lot of different stuff with my brother and his new wife here this last week. And I was thinking about their life in Dallas, working, being trendy, pretty consumed in their life as newlyweds but still giving of themselves in this church plant they are working with. And as clear as day I heard the Lord's voice say,

"You would never be content with that."

It's so weird how sometimes I know the Lord's voice. And I felt it was Him so distinctly. On intense dissection, the words could be distorted into someone pessimistic or even critical. But I know that's not what He meant. I think John and Kasey's life is beautiful. It is honoring the Lord with their gifts and talents, and for a while that's what I thought I wanted. But I know I would never be content with that life. I mean, I want to be married and all that, I just know that I would collapse in on myself if I stayed in the States too long. I always find myself so consumed with my SELF whenever I'm here. It's like I get more and more ridiculous as I spin inward. Ha. And I've found such freedom from that in cultures where it's not about me....about my clothes or hair or body....because 'outreach' so many times mean just the opposite of my life here (so much so that we don't shower often or wear more than two pairs of shoes).

And I love the freedom that comes with that.

And that's what I think I love about His love for me: It is wild and free and messy and it doesn't shower a lot. For now, here I am, working, paying off debt. But I "belong among the wildflowers" (Thank you, Tom Petty), and I can't wait for wherever that is.