Wednesday, August 13, 2008

meet mrs. bower

If you've ever met Laura you're probably shocked at least once during your conversation. It could be it be because what she says is either so progressive and edgy that it makes Ellen DeGenerous look like a Limbaugh's BFF, or it could be because what she says is spoken out of a paradigm formed sometime between when the dinosaurs roamed and JFK was shot. The following are just a few of the indelible subjects that are so constant to my mother's nature and character that I'm sure I'll be able to speak on these with humor and truth even in her eulogy. The first are her major medical discoveries and the latter are just a catch-all of her favorite subjects.

1. Her belief that most health concerns in my generation are the result of an overdose of sugar in their diet: (This coincides indirectly with her theory that God gives adolescents acne as a means to impede the hasty introduction and fellowship of two very-physical bodies) She is convinced that any personality issue from disposition to any diagnosed medical disorder are the direct result of the influx of sugary foods in kids' diets today. Sugar-coated gummy worms are the anti-Christ.

2. Vitamin C cures everything. Take at least 4x the recommended dosage or it won't do any good.

3. The physical state of your tongue is a direct reflection of your body's inner health. If there is anything other than a perfectly pink, beautiful tongue shooting out at her when you say "ahhh" then please see #2.

4.Don't eat out of the serving bowl. That's bad manners. Not only is it bad manners, but it's actually poor breeding. And not only is it poor breeding, it's a sign that you have no self control and is probably indicative of some serious character flaw which is the direct result of your lack of discipline. In fact, are you saved?

5. You probably shouldn't have more than one window or application open on your computer. That's just asking to get confused.

6. What is text messaging? And how does the internet have enough room for everything?

7. It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

8. Good girls wear hosiery. Even if the last time the general population wore hosiery on a regular basis was in 1965, it's still a good idea for church events and formal occasion. ("I haven't left the house without Lyrca on these thighs since I was 15." "That's 'cause you were brought up right" Steel Magnolias quote)

9. Nothing good happens past midnight. (Annnnndddd she's usually right. Ha)

10. Favorite sayings:

"Aren't you going to fix your face?"
Translation: Put on make up so you don't look like you do currently.

"Zap it."
Translation: Microwave it.

"Xerox it."
Translation: Record it (on television).

"Bless his/her heart"
Translation: He/She is an idiot.

Please feel free to add/edit any of what I've written. I'm sure that if you've met her, you've recognized a few of quirks all on your own....

Thursday, August 7, 2008


I've spent a lot of time just being quiet in the Lord's presence lately. At first I would just listen to music or play my guitar after reading a few verses. Then I just started to sit with Him while listening to music. And now, I've found myself sitting, staring dead-still out of my window, asking Him to just be with me. Fighting the temptation to label myself a loon, I've decided that my soul needs just that: perfect quiet.

Oswald Chambers said something in today's entry about prayer not being about getting answers, but about perfect communion with the Living God. And however imperfect sometimes I feel our communion is, I believe he's right. I've been striving and striving and begging and pleading for God to make clear some sort of direction for my life, and have little to no writing in the sky to lead me onward. Frustrated like mad, I have to remind myself that He is more about the process of finding our calling than anything.

And so, as I am so apt at doing, I took perfect, holy knowledge and buried it away. Now far from the light of my conscious, I lay in bed going over and over again different job opportunities and locations that have been popping up recently. As I was weighing each and every possibility with utmost delicacy in taciturn debate, I think I finally realized how much my decision-making is through fear.


Fear! How the heck can I claim that I trust Him, if in all actuality, I DON'T. How can begin to seek Him and His will for my life's purpose if I can't let go of the control I have over my circumstances, my finances, my fears. How petty of me to have considered the possibilities of my future by nickels and dimes in comparison to the vastness of the riches of my Holy Father! If in considering the lilies of the field, I find myself still riddled with fear of 'not making it', I must be missing something.

How have I let myself into this trap? I know that I know that I know that He is faithful. His faithful kindness has humbled me on more than one occasion, and still there I lie fretting and fearful over which job would bring me a suitable amount of happiness weighed against a suitable living wage. Ha.

Surely He remembers I am dust. Surely He knows.

And I'm convinced (again) that He does. I wrote these lines in my journal earlier:

"I will rest in the quiet of your nearness;
I am lost in the vastness of your name.
The silence still sings of your praise;
May my heart lay near thine always."

So, I'm back to being quiet before Him. Perfect love casts out all fear. His love casts out my fears.


Tuesday, August 5, 2008

just a run-of-the-mill life's purpose

Stan has a job for me today: to write out my 'life's purpose.' Yikes.
This is what I know:

My heart is to love you, Lord, and to be loved by you.
My desire is to honor you.
My passion is to show others more of who you are and to usher them into your presence.
I love music.
My urgency is to care for the least of these.

These hands are yours, teach them to serve as you please.
As I reach out, desperate to see all the greatness of God, may my soul rest assured in You.
-Hillsong United