Monday, July 6, 2009

dear josh

I worked at verizon
I finally bought a violin pick up
I got a tattoo
I went to Hawaii with YWAM
I went to Jakarta
Checked into an Indonesian hospital
Checked out and flew home
I fainted in a grocery store parking lot
I worked at CBMC
John got married
Applied for a job in Dallas, austin, houston, st. louis, kansas city
Got turned down in all those places
I rode in the car while my sister drove (scary)
Started dating Jordan
Got a job at Northwestern Mutual
Applied to seminary for counseling

....those are the things I've done since you passed away. Weird, huh? Seems like a lot. Seems like a lot of time has passed since I last saw you. But even yesterday, I was driving and for some reason, I couldn't imagine you not here. I could not see you as anything but alive and making fun of me for liking The Fray.

I remember a couple weeks before you died, you asked me about Ryan Adams' latest release, (you didn't have enough cash to buy it...surprise surprise. Haha) and I told you it was so-so. But it's always so-so when you first hear it. Needless to say, it turned out to be amazing. And there's a song on it that reminds me so much of you, because there's a line that says something about being fractured from the fall. I think Adams' reference might be biblical, but to me, it definitely is. And that's how I think you were: fractured from the Fall. As we all are, yes, but you were in a different way. And when i start to get sad, when I have to make myself realize that you are gone, I think of you being made new, being made whole and completely satisfied in Heaven.

What a thought for us today.

1 comment:

anne said...

tear.
love you. thinking of you.

was it really two years ago?