Papak's word of encouragement

I was talking to Papak today, and before we got off the phone he gave me the purest word: He has not forgotten you. You are not abandoned. Ask of Him and He will show you. And then he read me this:

Isaiah 55

The Compassion of the LORD

"Come, everyone who thirsts,
come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without price.
Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
and delight yourselves in rich food.
Incline your ear, and come to me;
hear, that your soul may live;
and I will make with you an everlasting covenant,
my steadfast, sure love for David.
Behold, I made him a witness to the peoples,
a leader and commander for the peoples.
Behold, you shall call a nation that you do not know,
and a nation that did not know you shall run to you,
because of the LORD your God, and of the Holy One of Israel,
for he has glorified you.

"Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked forsake his way,
and the unrighteous man his thoughts;
let him return to the LORD, that he may have compassion on him,
and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
"For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."

Thank you Lord that your word does not return void.
Thank you for my heritage.
Father, make my heart bold.

gracious

Lord,
Mercy in the days ahead.

"Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another."
Romans 12:10

"Thus says the LORD: "Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths,where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls."
Jeremiah 6:16

"..for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'"
Hebrew 13:5

beauty for ashes

I read this passage about the Fall today and was so struck at its reality.

"Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man...Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their heart to impurity...because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator. "
- Romans 1:24

Mercy, Lord. Here I am. Ugh.

Thank the Lord and the makers of Zoloft. Ha. These last few weeks have been especially trying. And by 'trying' I do mean that Puffy (my favorite stuffed animal friend since I was maybe 2) has made a reappearance in my arms at night (uh, that's not a joke), and that unexplained crying is a part of my regular, daily routine.

I don't know why my heart feels so conflicted and unsettled. I don't know why I haven't found the way I want to walk. But I haven't. And I am. Yet still, I am confident that He is faithful. Nevermind the fact that I feel like my lifeless Puffalump (the aforementioned stuffed friend) has it more together than I do at this point (Oh you! With your constant gaze and stoic -- but friendly -- demeanor!) I am still resting in the promise that He has me. I am praying earnestly that my heart would remain faithful to His, and no matter what choices lay ahead, I would never exchange the truth about my God for any lie.

Lord, let my spirit rest in the glory of the immortal God, even when I am anything but at rest.

You have won my heart.

mercy.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
-Romans

"When blood and water hit the ground
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down
We were free and made alive
The day that true love died"

- True Love, Phil Wickham

God, the comedian

So, I have this weird affinity for Praying Mantis (or is it Praying Mantises? Praying Manti? Ha). Anyways, I think they are cool. I mean, they look lives leaves and like a prayerful monk all in one.

I snapped both this pictures in Hawaii. But I've seen one around STL recently.

Ok. So the point is this: I've had a few people in my past who have chosen certain ordinary things that they have asked God to use to remind them that He is thinking about them or loves them or whatever. My mom's is a butterfly. I had a college pastor who chose red balloons. Anyways, it was literally yesterday when I was at the park that I decided I would make my little 'reminder' be these fabulous green weirdos. As in, whenever I saw its weirdness in action, I could be reminded that my Father is thinking about me and loves me no matter what.

Cool.

So. Today. My mom and I were taking a mid-morning walk because today is another one of those beauuuuuuutifulllll Fall days. Toward the end of our walk, my mom shrieks,
"Oh Jennie, look!" she says while pointing downward. What's she pointing at?

A dead, squashed Praying Mantis.

Literally, it looked like someone just took the little guy and laid him perfectly flat on his side and squished him dead. He even had his little 'praying' hands at ready. So there it was: the symbol I had chosen to be a sweet reminder between me and God that my Creator thinks of me -- flattened mercilessly and dead as a doornail.

Cool, God. Real cool.

"confessions" of his ; exhortation of mine

...If souls please you, let them be loved in God; for in themselves they are mutable, but in him firmly established -- without him they would simply cease to exist. In him, then, let them be loved; and bring along to him with yourself as many souls as you can, and say to them: "Let us love him, for he himself created all these," and he is not far away from them. For he did not create them, and then go away.

They are of him and in him.

Behold, there he is, wherever truth is known. He is within the inmost heart, yet the heart has wandered away from him. Return to your heart, O you transgressors, and

hold fast to him who made you.

Stand with him and you shall stand fast.
Rest in him and you shall be at rest.

Where do you go along these rugged paths? Where are you going? The good that you love is from him, and insofar as it is also for him, it is both good and pleasant. But it will rightly be turned to bitterness if whatever comes from him is not rightly loved and if he is deserted for the love of the creature. Why then will you wander farther and farther in these difficult and toilsome ways?

There is no rest where you seek it.
Seek what you seek; but remember that it is not where you seek it.

You seek for a blessed life in the land of death.
It is not there. For how can there be a blessed life where life itself is not?"

But our very Life came down to earth and bore our death, and slew it with the very abundance of his own life. And, thundering, he called us to return to him into that secret place from which he came forth to us...

For he did not delay, but ran through the world, crying out by words, deeds, death, life, descent, ascension -- crying aloud to us to return to him. And he departed from our sight that we might return to our hearts and find him there.

For he left us, and behold, he is here.

He could not be with us long, yet he did not leave us. He went back to the place that he had never left, for "the world was made by him."[104] In this world he was, and into this world he came, to save sinners. To him my soul confesses, and he heals it, because it had sinned against him.

O sons of men, how long will you be so slow of heart?

Even now after Life itself has come down to you, will you not ascend and live? But where will you climb if you are already on a pinnacle and have set your mouth against the heavens? ... Tell this to the souls you love that they may weep in the valley of tears, and so bring them along with you to God, because it is by his spirit that you speak thus to them, if, as you speak, you burn with the fire of love.

- St. Augustine, "Confessions"
book iv, chapter 12

Dear God,

I'm kinda annoyed at you right now. Please know that I am extremely grateful for how you care for me and watch over me. But I just don't the heck know where my life is going or how I could even begin to do your will if I don't get to hear from you.


Signed,
Daughter