resolutes

Granted, 2008 was a tumultous year politically, economically (blah blah blah), but I am already sick with "Stories of 2008" headlines and the subsequent epic photo montages. HOWEVER, in my life, 2008 was definitely an interesting year,
where I took part in the following:
... joined YWAM, lived in Kona, Hawaii for 3 months (niiiiceee), saw an octopus, showed that beach who said Anne and I wouldn't come out friends in the end who's boss, ate oatmeal for breakfast for 5 months straight, made friends who I will treasure for my LIFE, went East, contracted the tropical hemorrhagic fever specific to Southeast Asia (I'll pass), watched a man die (also a passer), made friends with my 93-year-old neighbor who describes her husband as a "hottie," allowed my sister to drive me places (scarier than the hemorrhagic fever), interviewed for 5 jobs, watched my brother marry one of my best friends, worked as an administrative assistant (Zzzz), blue-eyed boy, ran a half marathon, contemplated getting another tattoo, rode the bus to Chicago, loved John Steinbeck more,
liked coffee less, survived the one-year anniversary of Josh's death, tried to figure out what the heck Micah 6:8 really means, took steriods (uh, really), decided with finality that eggplant is my favorite vegetable, and spent New Year's with a delightful group of new friends.

What I've resolved for 2009 (in descending order from the things I'll be most likely to accomplish to the things I concede may never happen):

1. Floss.
2. Speak more kindly.
3. No more Diet Coke (or at least limited consumption of the chemical that may or may not shrink human's brains).
4. Not be annoyed so easily.
5. Read the Bible through, cover to cover.
6. Be brutally, if not painfully, honest.

So, we shall see. Thank you Lord for health and a new year.

desert song

This is my prayer in the desert,
When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need,

My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire,
In weakness or trial or pain.
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on it's way.

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

in other words....

This is about how I'm feeling at this point:

Or, narrated:

D(#$*#(::asdf#(#*$#!)!!)!)!) ieiei#(*$#

KDJKDkdkdjfkdja; dfD(#(!@!)!!!)_@?@@

sigh.

micah 6:8

So, I've been waiting to hear back from a job I interviewed for in Dallas last week. It came out of no where, and really sounds amazing, but still the 8 billion different things that are in my heart seem to conflict one way or another, and I don't even know what I'd say if I were offered the job. But as I wait to hear from them, I have just set my heart before the Lord and asked Him to direct me. I was supposed to hear back from them today (still waiting), and as I opened my Daily Light, what little 'ole verse popped up once again??
It started first with "To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice" (Prov 21:3). Hmm, I thought, That sounds eerily familiar to what He's been speaking over and over again through this in-between time.
Then, continuing, "He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?" (Micah 6:8).

Ha. I still have NO idea what the Lord is really saying through this, whether it means this period of my life is just meant to be a small life, working to pay of debt, nothing too flashy, or whether it means that I will be heading off on some weird YWAM adventure sometime soon, I can't deny that He has been bringing this up repeatedly to my attention.

So, Lord, as I wait, I just ask that I would walk and demonstrate righteousness and justice in humility as I walk with You.

wildflowers

My love for you is real.
It moves like a summer breeze.
My love for you is strong.
Lord it brings me to my knees.

It’s born in the wild
It's river long,
Love strong,
True and wild as hell.
Honey now,
My love for you is real.

My love for you is calm.
Candy sweet and thunder strength.
My love for you is wild,
It breaks the locks and breaks the chains.

My love for you is long
Across the oceans on a sail.
My love for you is true,
Meanings change but not the tune.

It’s born in the wild
It's river long
Love strong
True and never still.
Honey now
My love for you is real


I love this song. I think it has so much truth in it, for His love for me. So crazy how real it is sometimes. I love that it feels wild and free when so many times we think it's controlled and measured.

I was thinking about a lot of different stuff with my brother and his new wife here this last week. And I was thinking about their life in Dallas, working, being trendy, pretty consumed in their life as newlyweds but still giving of themselves in this church plant they are working with. And as clear as day I heard the Lord's voice say,

"You would never be content with that."

It's so weird how sometimes I know the Lord's voice. And I felt it was Him so distinctly. On intense dissection, the words could be distorted into someone pessimistic or even critical. But I know that's not what He meant. I think John and Kasey's life is beautiful. It is honoring the Lord with their gifts and talents, and for a while that's what I thought I wanted. But I know I would never be content with that life. I mean, I want to be married and all that, I just know that I would collapse in on myself if I stayed in the States too long. I always find myself so consumed with my SELF whenever I'm here. It's like I get more and more ridiculous as I spin inward. Ha. And I've found such freedom from that in cultures where it's not about me....about my clothes or hair or body....because 'outreach' so many times mean just the opposite of my life here (so much so that we don't shower often or wear more than two pairs of shoes).

And I love the freedom that comes with that.

And that's what I think I love about His love for me: It is wild and free and messy and it doesn't shower a lot. For now, here I am, working, paying off debt. But I "belong among the wildflowers" (Thank you, Tom Petty), and I can't wait for wherever that is.

thanksgiving

A little Thanksgiving...missing a few choice family members this year. But, (**sigh ** ) such is life once peeps start getting married. Please note that with Kasey's addition to our family, I now realize how much of a munchkin I am. DANGIT.
These next few were the ladies on Thanksgiving day with our lovely aprons. Woot.

I really do have so much to be thankful for this year...being alive is one of the top ones. Ha.

I am thankful for my sweet family who I love dearly despite all our issues.
I am grateful for sweet friends from all over the world.
I am thankful for Nita and how she cares for me like I'm one of hers still.
I am thankful for my sister who is always on my side.
I'm thankful for my sister-in-laws who were my friends first.
I'm thankful for my Mom who is one of my best friends.
I'm thankful for my Dad who thinks I'm weird and loves me just the same.
I'm thankful for a Friend who loves at all times.

From Friend to Me

So, because Friend knows me inside/outside/over/under in a way that mostly borderlines the "abnormal or supernatural" side of things, she is the BEST at giving gifts. Previously, they've been cutesy/artsey things that Martha Stewart's prison dreams could never match, but this year she's used her 'seeing eye' into my heart and got me a year's subscription to Cooking Light!!

Woot! Maybe she knew because I drool over the copies she has at her house, but nevertheless, I ... LOVE...IT. I just got my first installment a few weeks ago, and the pages are earmarked like crazy and it already has a place of honor next to my bed (just a reach away from the bib-al of course). I have already committed to allowing the stack to continue to climb as the issues keep coming. Hoarding though it may seem, good recipes at the ready is no laughing matter.

Thanks, Friend, for doing what you do best: Being so you ...and so me at the same friggin time.
My tummy thanks you.